Growing up, school was always pretty easy for me. While I won't say there weren't struggles at times, as some of my friends and family can attest to, I realize that many of those times only felt like struggles because I was used to being able to get good grades without working extraordinarily hard.
Now, as a teacher, I sometimes have trouble connecting with the students who don't do well. The problem with a lot of people who go into to education is that many of them grew up liking school, which is why they want to return as a teacher. However, this makes it more difficult to relate to students who don't like school and/or have always struggled to even keep their grades average. While this doesn't mean these people can't still be great educators, it does mean that they might have to work harder to reach those not-so-easy-to-reach students.
It has been an eye-opening experience these past few weeks as I have gone back into the student's seat and been taught as opposed to being the teacher. When I was waitress back in high school and college, I found that from time to time it was helpful to go out and eat and be waited on to remind myself of what kind of service I would (or wouldn't) want as a customer. This has been a similar experience. In my Italian language classes, I am in a traditional classroom setting, sitting in a desk with a teacher up front. In my voice lessons and coachings, it's more one-on-one, but I still have a little more insight after having been a teacher myself now.
Let me tell you, while I have blogged a lot about experiences not related to my study of music here, it has not simply been a vacation in Italy. I am being challenged in more ways than I ever imagined when I decided to study here. One of my opera scenes in particular is one of the most challenging pieces I have EVER encountered, by far (for any musical folks who are curious...in one section of the scene, there are two different time signatures being sung--at the same time!). I have also mentioned before that Italian diction is not quite as simple as I had thought. I used to think it was the easiest of any foreign language I have sung. So you can imagine how I felt when the program director specifically requested for me to go to a special Italian diction session--with only two other students who were taking it for credit. I was a little embarrassed, to say the least.
And then it dawned on me: there are students, plenty of students, that I teach that feel like this all the time--and have felt like this their whole lives since they started school. They have spent their lives getting remedial instruction, getting put in the "dumb" class, even getting put in special ed, in some cases. I have been able to bounce back from having my pride hurt this time, but if I had spent most of my life at school being told, if not in so many words, "You're dumb," I'd probably quit trying, too.
I know this might sound like I'm suddenly becoming an advocate for the self-esteem movement. Trust me, that is not what I'm trying to say. I still believe it's important for students to learn that they aren't always going to be affirmed for everything they do and that hardships are part of the process.
Which leads me to my second revelation: teachers don't criticize students unless they think they have potential. When I have a student who has dug him or herself so deep that s/he has no chance of passing my class, I stop pushing them. At a certain point, I feel that it would be giving them false hope of passing if I were to keep badgering them to turn in homework or participate in class. So I turn my focus and energy to the students who I know actually still have a chance of passing. And I have discovered that my teachers here do the same thing. They wouldn't have to care about making me better. I'm just a high school English teacher. I'm not a Wichita State student who they would feel obligated to turn into an exceptional singer. And yet, they still push me as they would any other student. I have come to the realization that their constructive criticism only means that they think I have potential to be an exceptional singer. Maybe I won't end up at the Metropolitan. But it's nice to be given the chance to become good enough to be there.
So I have learned to be grateful for criticism. And yet, I've also learned that affirmation is important as well and should not be forgotten to be given along with the criticism. Our stage director even talked about this in acting class today, saying that sometimes teachers jump straight to criticisms without affirming anything their student does, resulting in an invisible little guy on their student's shoulder constantly saying, "YOU SUCK!" Obviously, this is not helpful, either. But neither is no criticism at all.
Deep down, I think most of us know that being pushed by our mentors is good for us. However, this can be easy to forget, especially if you've never been in the position of being a mentor.
So the next time a mentor figure in your life hands you criticism, embrace it. If you need to sulk for a little while initially, do it. After all, criticism does have a tendency to bring us down.
But ultimately, it is a reminder that we can be more than what we are.
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